Tired of School

Are you on the prowl for good quotes about school, college, or university?  Well, you could go find quotes by famous people, or you could just take the quotes I made up below and attribute them to TiredThomas (remember to use proper MLA or APA style references).

• School is for the ignorant:  Once you’ve gone to school long enough to realize this, you graduate.
• I never saw somebody who enjoyed college as much as an alumnus.
• The best way to survive a test is to bluff; if that fails, you might try studying.
• Going to school is like holding your breath:  It’s painful, but you know it has to eventually come to an end.
• Studying is a lot like being on vacation, except without the relaxation, fun, or the being on vacation.
• If you’re not smart enough to drop out of college, you get what you deserve.
• If you’re not smart enough to stay in college, you get what you deserve.
• Choosing a college is easy, choosing to graduate is another matter.
• You should never procrastinate at school, unless you’d rather be doing something else.
• Philosophy class is like a reality show you get a grade for.
• College math is as easy as deriving the proof for the derivative.
• College English is as easy as Faust.
• College music is as easy as Tchaikovsky.

• Ahhh, smell that crisp air.  This will be my 11th spring semester as a college student.  Dare I say it will be my last?  I dare not.  I am graduating (my third time) in May. However, I am also taking a class this semester that I do not need to graduate.  I am also already planning a summer class (against my own advice but at least it is only my 7th summer semester).  For other near-to-be graduates I’d like to remind you that you probably need to apply for graduation in the first few weeks of the semester or else your degree won’t be assigned for another semester (I’ve seen it happen, and it’s not pretty).
• More advice, if there is a hard-to-get-into class you plan to take, take it now because as a gradated and “non degree-seeking” student, you can be kicked out of a class just because a snot-nosed freshman decides to take it in a blaze of glory before dropping out. (Don’t be too offended incoming freshman, we’ll catch you up to speed this summer.)
• As a senior (whether it be your first, second, or third time) you have a certain disdain for your school right now and can’t wait to be away.  So much so that you might not be thinking ahead to all the unique possibilities this time of your life offers.  You can go join the Peace Corp and be considered “awesome,” you can start a long career at the FBI (something I believe is best-suited to the “the only job I ever had” category).  You can even start a business while you try to get hired on somewhere (it can look good on a resume, even if it is not profitable).
• Also, don’t forget to start selling all the furniture you got from the side of the road to fill your apartment.  There is a new-to-apartments sophomore somewhere who would pay $25 for that bed (he doesn’t know what it’s been through).  And if you’re a guy, that couch will not impress any woman….trust me…I don’t care, she won’t like it…it’s ugly….and a futon is not a couch….just go sell it now so you don’t have to move it 2 or 3 times and then have to pay someone $25 to haul it off to a landfill.  While you’re at it, go ahead and give away that “COLLEGE” and “365 Reasons to Party” posters.  In fact, just get rid of all your stuff and move into a small urban studio apartment; you’ll have a good time and it’s the only time of your life that people will admire your “freedom” in doing it.
• Good luck to all you seniors out there (and graduate/PhD students too) who are about to graduate!

• Ok, most of you are back in school and going at it full force You’re catching up with friends, going for coffee, and perhaps some less savory things as well.
• One thing you probably don’t want to do is your school work. If your sitting at your computer and dreading finishing (or starting) your first paper, differential equation, or log for this semester then you’ve come to the right place. I’ve created 2 lists for you today: one to give you reasons to procrastinate more and one to motivate you to get busy. It’s up to you to decide which list is right for you.
• Reasons to procrastinate:

1. You need to practice for the upcoming dorm-wide Guitar Hero party.

2. You could work on your paper, but you should really order a book on the subject first.

3. Your room smells like a dead fish, you should clean it before you work.

4. A degree might not be for you, lucky you figured that out BEFORE you did all that schoolwork.

5. You’d do better with some sleep first.

6. You’d sleep better if you drained your energy first.

7. You’d drain your energy better if you went out with your friends.

8. Therefore, you’d do better on your work if you went out with your friends first.

9. You need to go buy an energy drink to concentrate.

10. You had an energy drink but now your too wired to concentrate.

• Reasons to get to work now:

1. You need to get the work out of the way so you are relaxed for the Guitar Hero party.

2. You are not allowed to read the rest of this list until you go finish one more problem/write one more sentence. Go. Now.

3. I don’t believe you did as I asked, but we will move on anyway.

4. You need that degree because the government gets really mad at doctors who don’t have a license.

5. You’re spending 5-10K a semester to be in school, do you really want to tack on extra semesters because you were surfing the web instead of working.

6. You need to finish your work so you can get back to your favorite activity: making up sentences that have never been said before (e.g., The yellow worm was into collecting heavy metal ephemera from the 1960’s.)

7. Not hearing another lecture from your parents is worth the effort.

8. You need to get done so you can get back to watching Star Wars again, this time backwards to look for hidden messages.

9. You might learn something if you into that sort of thing.

10. You need to get through this class so you can graduate. You need to graduate so you can go to graduate school and do it all again.

• I like #6 there. Feel free to make up you own new sentences and add them to the comments on this post.

I used to enjoy saving up my really big projects to complete during spring break… Let me try that again: I used to procrastinate on my big school projects until I realized that I had so much to get done that I had no choice but to spend my whole spring break in the library. For one week every spring, the musty smell of book stacks would be my home. I would search endlessly for the rare scrap of knowledge that would help me complete my projects. These were the days before Google Scholar and online pdf files of articles. Now I know you are tired of school and you have your work cut out for you, so let’s talk dos and don’ts on keeping you on your game while you are on “break.”

1. Caffeine: Caffeine is a double-edged sword…  For some people it helps increase focus and concentration. For other people, caffeine makes it hard to concentrate and hard to sleep. I’m even hearing about chest pains and other physical problems associated with caffeine intake. Consider not taking in any more caffeine than you already do so your body won’t get overwhelmed by the drug. I’m no doctor, so if you have any concerns about your caffeine intake (I’m looking at you rabid energy drink user), seek actual medical advice.

2. Sleep. Lack of sleep has been linked to weight gain and even can be a precursor to diabetes (click here for information about those claims). Spring break should be a time for rest and renewal, so try to get a good night’s/morning’s sleep if you can, even if you are spending the rest of the day working.

3. Eat better. It’s funny that during the times we need our brain to work the hardest–crunch time–we tend to order pizza or eat burgers. Instead of our brain thinking about your paper on the Psychology of Mathematics in Tribal Utah, you are sitting on the porcelain throne. At least make sure to get some fruit and vegetables to get that old bean up and running. Also, grab something for breakfast even if you aren’t hungry.

4. Make a list. Recently I was asked to write answers to a set of around 10 questions. These questions were worded so I thought I would have to write several paragraphs for each one. Imagine my amazement when I discovered a 300 letter limit on the answers. I saved myself a lot of work by understanding the assignment up front!  Go over your syllabus again and again until you understand what you need to do before you go through a lot of work that amounts to nothing.

5. Take breaks often. Every hour or less, take a few minutes’ break time to give your brain a rest. Listen to a song on your mp3 player, work on a soduku puzzle, count ceiling tiles–just do something different. Don’t forget to get back to work, though.

–I hope these ideas help, if you can:

Remember that “Life… is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”-Shakespeare

We’d all like a little extra money for college. Unless you happen to be one of the few who has plenty of money lying around, in which case I could really use some cash right now so click on that donate button to the right. For the rest of us, college is often an exercise in lots of free time but no money to make use of it. So, in our quest for college funds, we usually come across a general scholarship form that the college suggests that we fill out. So, who is General Scholarship and why does he want us to fill out a form (haha)? Well, go ahead and fill that sucker out. Sure you may think you have no distinguishing feature that makes you eligible for special consideration, but you never know. For example, I once got a scholarship from filling out this form because it turns out that there was a little-known fund for persons going to the college I was attending (40,000 students) who also graduated from the high school I had attended (graduating class of 89 people). There were only a couple of us at the college who fit that description and unless you filled out the form then you never even knew about the free money. So, the short answer is, yes, go ahead and fill out the forms and send in those essays. I cannot guarantee you easy money, but you can’t afford not to try. Oh, and if you do get some money out of this…why not try that donation button that I talked about earlier?

-TiredThomas