Tired of School

Are you on the prowl for good quotes about school, college, or university?  Well, you could go find quotes by famous people, or you could just take the quotes I made up below and attribute them to TiredThomas (remember to use proper MLA or APA style references).

• School is for the ignorant:  Once you’ve gone to school long enough to realize this, you graduate.
• I never saw somebody who enjoyed college as much as an alumnus.
• The best way to survive a test is to bluff; if that fails, you might try studying.
• Going to school is like holding your breath:  It’s painful, but you know it has to eventually come to an end.
• Studying is a lot like being on vacation, except without the relaxation, fun, or the being on vacation.
• If you’re not smart enough to drop out of college, you get what you deserve.
• If you’re not smart enough to stay in college, you get what you deserve.
• Choosing a college is easy, choosing to graduate is another matter.
• You should never procrastinate at school, unless you’d rather be doing something else.
• Philosophy class is like a reality show you get a grade for.
• College math is as easy as deriving the proof for the derivative.
• College English is as easy as Faust.
• College music is as easy as Tchaikovsky.

• There seems to be a trend of online music companies going out of business.  A few weeks ago Ruckus(tm) unceremoniously closed its virtual doors.  This is a service I enjoyed (I even wrote an article about it a while back).  It was free streaming music for college students.  I even paid for the premium service so I could use it on my mp3 player.  Now if I want this same service I have to pay around $20 a month to one of the more well-known companies (such as Napster).  I won’t be doing that anytime soon; perhaps I was spoiled by Ruckus’ $5 a month for premium use.
• Most recently, I discovered that BMG(tm) is also closing its normal operations.  This is quite a shock to me since I’ve been getting ads from them for decades (ahhhh, the days of stamp-sized CD cover mailings).  Granted, I rarely order from them and send back most of the CDs they ship out to me, but I did actually enjoy the service.  Sometimes it’s nice to be exposed to new music.
• So, what is the future of online music?  I can’t be sure.  I don’t condone copying music, but if you want to hear a song free there is probably a YouTube(tm) video out there with your song as the sound track.  The iTunes(tm) store is also  doing booming business, but I don’t see many people being exposed to new music. Lack of exposure is likely to get worse if the music industry gets its way and makes radio stations pay to play their songs.  The upstroke of this legislation is that local stations will start playing more local music (garage bands that don’t charge to spin their tunes).  I am already hearing more local music on the radio where I am (check out The Republic Tigers).
• All in all, I am not happy about this, but then again maybe someday I won’t have to pay tuition anymore and I’ll have more expendable income.

• Ahhh, smell that crisp air.  This will be my 11th spring semester as a college student.  Dare I say it will be my last?  I dare not.  I am graduating (my third time) in May. However, I am also taking a class this semester that I do not need to graduate.  I am also already planning a summer class (against my own advice but at least it is only my 7th summer semester).  For other near-to-be graduates I’d like to remind you that you probably need to apply for graduation in the first few weeks of the semester or else your degree won’t be assigned for another semester (I’ve seen it happen, and it’s not pretty).
• More advice, if there is a hard-to-get-into class you plan to take, take it now because as a gradated and “non degree-seeking” student, you can be kicked out of a class just because a snot-nosed freshman decides to take it in a blaze of glory before dropping out. (Don’t be too offended incoming freshman, we’ll catch you up to speed this summer.)
• As a senior (whether it be your first, second, or third time) you have a certain disdain for your school right now and can’t wait to be away.  So much so that you might not be thinking ahead to all the unique possibilities this time of your life offers.  You can go join the Peace Corp and be considered “awesome,” you can start a long career at the FBI (something I believe is best-suited to the “the only job I ever had” category).  You can even start a business while you try to get hired on somewhere (it can look good on a resume, even if it is not profitable).
• Also, don’t forget to start selling all the furniture you got from the side of the road to fill your apartment.  There is a new-to-apartments sophomore somewhere who would pay $25 for that bed (he doesn’t know what it’s been through).  And if you’re a guy, that couch will not impress any woman….trust me…I don’t care, she won’t like it…it’s ugly….and a futon is not a couch….just go sell it now so you don’t have to move it 2 or 3 times and then have to pay someone $25 to haul it off to a landfill.  While you’re at it, go ahead and give away that “COLLEGE” and “365 Reasons to Party” posters.  In fact, just get rid of all your stuff and move into a small urban studio apartment; you’ll have a good time and it’s the only time of your life that people will admire your “freedom” in doing it.
• Good luck to all you seniors out there (and graduate/PhD students too) who are about to graduate!

It’s true and it was on TV. I about fell out of my chair. I’m sure there will be a video online soon that I can refer you to.

Update: the videos are going up and coming down on your favorite video websites.  I don’t want to post one as it will stop working shortly.  However, I imagine this video will be a permanent fixture on youtube now so feel free to look for it there.

• I recently discovered that there were quite a few people, likely young men, who search the web in an effort to learn how to grow a beard…and do it quickly. What is so special about growing a beard? It’s a right of passage. Even if all you have are five long hairs growing off your chin…you are a manly man because you have a beard. I was endowed with epic beard-growing properties myself and I grow one every winter so I don’t have to shave in cold weather. So, to help the inexperienced among us I present:

• HOW TO GROW A BEARD:

• Stage 1: The beginning: All you have to do is to stop shaving. Do it at the very beginning of a vacation or at least at the start of a weekend so you get a couple days’ head start before the next stage begins.

• Stage 2: The interrogation: Everyone and their second cousins will be asking you if you are growing a beard. Always give a response that makes them feel stupid or else they will keep asking you this over and over. Say something like “No, I have a highly contagious rash and the doctors told me not to shave for a while.”

• Stage 3: The itching: You can expect to spend about 2 weeks itching your face. Use your fingernails, use your pencil, use your eating utensils, none of it will help…you just keep itching.

• Stage 4: In-grown hair: Yes, the joy of carrying around a bush on your face is that you will get the occasional in-grown hair. Take it like a man.

• Stage 5: Wild bush man: Yes you finally did it, you grew a beard. But you don’t look like Kenny Rogers or ZZ Top just yet.

• Stage 6: Taming the beast: It’s now time to take the clipper to the hedge and make yourself presentable. You could go for the Commander Riker or the Sigmund Freud. Just get it under control soon or you may scare away your friends and family.

• Stage 7: The ‘stash: About four months after you get the beard going you’ll have a moment of weakness and decide that you’d really look sophisticated with a moustache.

• Stage 8: The end: About 2 minutes after finishing stage seven you realize that you aren’t one of those guys who can sport the upper lip canopy and it gets cut off as well. Welcome back to the land of the clean shaven.